The Fort Campbell Courier

Right now both of my parents are deployed. Yes, it’s hard because they are both in the Army. I am proud of them both. I’m a sophomore in high school and I have other brothers and sisters, too. My grandparents have been great. My grandmother stays with us full time and my grandfather travels back and forth to help out , too. He also runs a small business back home. I miss my parents tremendously, but I’m stepping out trying to be a young adult, taking care of my younger siblings and preparing for prom for the first time.

I wish my mother was here with me to help me pick out a gown or a nice dress, but I’m shopping with friends.

Ms. Vicki, I have other friends with a parent or both parents deployed. They are having an even difficult time than I am. I don’t like it because they talk like they want to just give up. Some of them are starting to do the wrong things. Well, it’s wrong in my book. Things like smoking cigarettes, weed, feeling pressured to have sex and some are having sex just to say that they have done it before.

I know that I cannot make any one do what they don’t want to do, but it does bother me that so many of my friends can just fall to any little pressure. Yes, our parents are deployed, but it’s not like we are from a destitute country where we are living on the streets or as orphans like some children and teens are facing.

I try to encourage my friends to do the right things for themselves and for the sake of their parents. I know it would hurt my parents if they discovered I was involved in the wrong activities, and I would not want to face their disappointment.

I even look at my grandparents and I’m grateful they are willing to help us while my parents are continuing with their military careers. It’s not anyone’s fault that my parents chose this career or that there are wars going on right now.

Back to my friends, I don’t drink, smoke and I’m not having sex with my boyfriend. I can’t say I will stay a virgin until I’m married, but I know that I’m not old enough to handle a sexual relationship. But can you tell me what to do about friends who talk on their cell phones or text while driving. In your opinion, Ms. Vicki, is this like drinking and driving or am I being too paranoid.

Honestly, some of my friends think I’m going too far trying to be a good girl.

Well, thanks for letting me express what I am feeling Ms. Vicki and if it’s OK with you I will write you again soon.

From: Trying to do the right things

Dear Right Things,

There is much in your letter that many young people could learn from. I truly applaud you for trying to do the right thing and making your parents proud of you. I want them to know they have done a beautiful job raising you.

No, you don’t have a chip on your shoulder, you are not angry, but you are at a vulnerable age where peer pressure is very real. You are very right in your approach because it’s best to resist the temptation to do many of the things your peers are doing and not even start them, i.e. smoking, drinking, other drugs, sex etc.

Addictions can start when someone engages in an activity “one time.” So again…keep saying no! Many teens believe they are invincible – in other words, they think “nothing will happen to me,” “I’ll just do this one time,” and mostly “no one will ever find out”…wrong! Someone will find out and it’s often times when things have spiraled out of control.

Your parents are just like me. It wasn’t long ago that we were teenagers. Sex, drugs, teen pregnancy and venereal diseases are not a new thing. It was around when I was a teen too. That pressure was all around me. However, I knew that being a poor, black young lady from the inner city, with a mother who was a widow – I wouldn’t have a snow balls chance in “you know where” of making it if I would turn to drugs or if I got pregnant.

Like you, I wanted my mother to be proud of me. You are right you can’t make your friends...do anything, but Helen Steiner Rice wrote a poem called “Brighten Up The Corner Where You Are.” In essence this is what you can do. Texting and driving is “deadly!” Don’t do it and refuse to get in cars with friends who won’t obey these rules, trust me refuse to get in their cars!

Finally, discuss these concerns you raise with a one of your favorite teachers or your school counselor. I think it would be important for schools to educate and adopt anti-texting and driving campaigns. This is so real and so important, and I’m glad you wrote and raised this concern. Many schools on and near military bases should have programs to provide deployment support to youth.

Continue to talk and communicate with your parents, your youth pastor, your priest or any member of the clergy.

• Questions can be sent to Vicki Johnson at dearmsvicki@yahoo.com and may be answered in an upcoming issue of the Fort Campbell Courier.

• Vicki Johnson has a Master of Science in social work from the University of Louisville and has been working with families and children -- specifically those in crisis -- for more than 10 years.

• Readers may also blog with Vicki Johnson at www.washingtontimes.com or check her out on her internet radio show at www.blogtalkradio.com/dearmsvicki.